Good Writing Example: Down the Hill against Wind and Snow and Back to Nanchang alone at Night
（图为作者王凤臣2008年5月在自己任教的山东师大二附中留影。The photo is the writer Wang Fengchen in his school, the Second High School attached to Shandong Normal University, May, 2008.）
（The author of this article: Mr. Wang Fengchen [王凤臣] is member of the Committee of Experts, director-class, national high-level Chinese language teacher at the Second High School attached to Shandong Normal University, the first prize winner of national “HUA-MEI-JIE-ER”[“华美杰尔”] Chinese language teachers, manager of Shandong Institute of Education and Language School Educational Research Association, the first prize winner of the experimental class, the pioneer Chinese language teacher of Jinan city. “Good Writing Example: Down the Hill against Wind and Snow and Back to Nanchang alone at Night” by Mr. Wang Fengchen[王凤臣]is selected from his published article in the “21st Century Chinese students, why can’t write a good essay?” on the “Weekly Writing” , October 2008. ）
Many teachers agree that the “Down the Hill against Wind and Snow and Back to Nanchang alone at Night”（《披风历雪下井冈 只身夜返南昌城》） is a very good example of Chinese Writing case teaching for teenage. Because it itself from the hands of teenage, so in the classroom, students are more likely to accept and understand it.
The article’s author Ma Yuge (Ma Yu-ge/马宇歌/馬宇歌) is a pretty 12-year-old girl from the well-known secondary middle school attached to Tsinghua University in Beijing. Her class is the school’s best “one-stop test ban” . In her winter vacation, with the consent and support of her parents and invitation from a family in Jiangxi province, she started her individual journey in Tuesday, January 25th, 2000 alone, via Nanchang city. After visiting Friends and finishing a variety of things, she went to Jinggangshan area, which is 1800 kilometers away from Beijing. She gave local students a speech, and donated her published books and the money she earned from the publication to the impoverished children and so on. Later she was trapped in heavy snow at the hillside. Ma Yuge managed to take the first bus to Ji’an County, and then, got on a bus there. After hours of hardship of traveling, she finally returned to the Nanchang city.
Along the way, Ma Yuge had to bear the torture of the coldness. She had gone through many twists and turns. But she overcame a series of difficulties and obstacles which is unimaginable to a 12-year-old city girl. She had an unforgettable extraordinary journey in life. This alone outside, very rich and meaningful experience, not to mention that she is a little girl, even for many of boys of her same age, is also quite unique, isn’t it ?
Ma Yuge’s tone is simple and calm. She recorded this memorable journey, presented it in front of the reader, and made people moved and impressive. Later, this diary published widely in the number of newspapers and magazines all over China, finally won first prize of “the eighth ‘Yuhuatai Award’（“雨花奖”） secondary students nationwide essay contest for junior high school group” （ “First Class” is the highest award） in October 2001, issued by the Nanjing education system.
这里，我们把马宇歌写的《披风历雪下井冈 只身夜返南昌城》原文5300字列为上乘范文，放在后边供大家自行赏析。同时希望看完它，都到网上去搜搜 “马宇歌”这个人名，了解一下马宇歌的更多写作背景和她一路走来的非凡历程、个人现状以及社会各界评价。世上有史以来只有她一个人叫“马宇歌”，至今没有重名者。所以搜到的网上内容都是属于她的，大概至少有十几万条，许多篇各类文章吧。
Here, we attach MaYuge’s diary of 5,300 words, “Down the Hill against Wind and Snow and Back to Nanchang alone at Night ” as a good example on the back for your own appreciation. After reading it, you could go to on-line search her name “马宇歌” （Ma Yuge/ Ma Yu-ge/馬宇歌） , to find out more information about Ma Yuge’s writing background and her extraordinary journey along the way, the individual assessment of the status quo, as well as all critics of society. In the history of the world, only one person called “马宇歌” （Ma Yuge/ Ma Yu-ge/馬宇歌）. Therefore, all the information on-line is about her. There are at least 100,000 types of items online.
Ma Yuge（Ma Yu-ge/马宇歌/馬宇歌） is a great teenage writer who has very broad prospects - this is agreed among most people. She writes articles in particular narrative. Among her peers, her writings are different from the usual ones. Her essays with a magnificent scene of thousands of first-hand experience are really colorful. She has a strong sense of the image, story and reality. Her language is vigorous, without affection, but delicate when needed, which cannot be imitated by people lack of experiences.
She has the kind of extraordinary courage, the communication ability, humane, compassion, friendly, optimistic spirit, the long-term strong will, broad vision and open mind, self-improvement, practice capacity and so on. Not only are them worthy of serious study and thinking, but also we should clearly understand this is the driving force that makes MaYuge able to write good essays!
Ma Yuge is an ambitious young girl with great courage. Reading her works makes people delighted and inspired. Regardless of the different backgrounds of readers, her optimism brings hope to everyone. You may look for more essays of Ma Yuge for a serious taste. Perhaps you’ll find more surprises and nutrition from them.
（【注】《上乘范文举例：〈披星历雪下井冈 只身夜返南昌城〉》一文作者简介：山东师范大学第二附属中学校专家委员会委员、级部主任、语文高级教师王凤臣先生，是国家级骨干教师、首届全国“华美杰尔”语文教师奖获得者、山东省教育学会中学语文教育研究会理事、济南市实验课一等奖获得者、济南市语文学科带头人。附后为在南京2001年10月颁发的教育系统“第八届‘雨花奖’全国中学生作文大赛”初中组最高奖获得者马宇歌的获奖作文《披风历雪下井冈 只身夜返南昌城》。该文选自在北京具有一社两块牌子的 “解放军出版社”即“昆仑出版社”2002年9月第一版“展翅鸟丛书”第五辑《谁把流年暗偷换》第137页—143页。该书由公开出版发行的全国性月刊《初中生》杂志编辑，其中收录有马宇歌创作的很多文章。该书被核准颁发的中国政府管理出版书号为ISBN 7—80040—638—5/ I·474，各地图书馆内一般都有这本书。其实马宇歌的许多作品，特别是《披风历雪下井冈 只身夜返南昌城》这篇，因其具有的独创性、传奇特色、诗一样的童话意境等，本身就是很好的连环画、动漫、电视剧、电影、绘画、其它各类造型艺术的创作蓝本，堪称传世之作。并且这样的一个真实蓝本，也不是任何时候都可随意碰得上的，确属罕见。）
（【Note】 The author of “Good Writing Example: Down the Hill against Wind and Snow and Back to Nanchang alone at Night” is Mr. Wang Fengchen [王凤臣]. He is member of the Committee of Experts, director-class, national high-level Chinese language teacher at the Second High School attached to Shandong Normal University, the first prize winner of national “HUA-MEI-JIE-ER” [“华美杰尔”] Chinese language teachers, manager of Shandong Institute of Education and Language School Educational Research Association, the first prize winner of the experimental class, the pioneer Chinese language teacher of Jinan city. Attached is the article “Down the Hill against Wind and Snow and Back to Nanchang alone at Night” written by Ma Yuge, who won the top “Yuhuatai Award”[“雨花奖”] for middle school students in the Eighth National Writing Competition for Middle and High School Students in Nanjing in October 2001. The article was in collected in the book “It happens As Time Flies ”[《谁把流年暗偷换》] [page 137-143], which is one of the birds-in-full-swing series published by Kunlun Press [Beijing] in September 2002. The book [ISBN 7—80040—638—5/ I·474], edited by the national monthly “Middle School Students”[《初中生》] , includes many articles written by Ma Yuge and it can be found in most libraries in China. In fact, many of the works of Ma Yuge, in particular, “Down the Hill against Wind and Snow and Back to Nanchang alone at Night”, itself is potential interesting animation, drama, film, painting and other kinds of creative works because of its originality, the legendary characteristics, like the poetry of the fairy tale. And such a real blueprint is very unique nowadays.）
（Cover of the Book “It Happens As Time Flies”）
我严严实实地 “抱” 着这两个人，不一会儿工夫，双脚全部麻木了。实在有点承受不了，心想：唉，老婆婆年纪大了，让她们坐吧，我站会儿。于是，我像从枕头下面抽出书本那样，将身子挪开，把座位让给了这个老婆婆和她的孩子，自己挤在一旁站着。老婆婆冲我笑了笑，表示感谢。我也对她笑了笑，告诉她这没关系，别客气。我们就在这种无言的默契中彼此表达了各自的感情。
只见窗口里的木桌旁，围着坐了一圈正在闲聊的阿姨。“阿姨，买张过会儿到南昌的票。” “45元。”我把钱递给她：“阿姨，这车什么时候开呀？” “半小时以后。” “好的，谢谢您。”
拉着带轱轳的行李箱，我独自一人走在回瑶瑶家的路上。虽然行李还是那么重，但是我却有种如释重负的感觉。我从农历腊月二十四日独自一人坐长途公共汽车上井冈山，到今天再只身返回南昌城，这短短的几天内，经历了多少波折、多少事情！我应井冈山市教委之邀，到井冈山中学为师生们演讲；请那儿的老师带我到厦坪镇菖蒲村山田垅，为老区贫困同龄小朋友捐上我从北京带来的书和我挣的稿费；之后被大雪困在半山腰；为了完成计划我又迫不得已从吉安转车回南昌……更有趣的是，我竟然“混” 在 “男人专车”中，在这星月高挂的傍晚，昼夜长途跋涉，最后安然返抵了江西省城南昌。
（2000年2月1日星期二即农历乙卯年腊月二十六日，天气风雪，北京清华大学附属中学初中一年级 <99·1> 班即1999年入校的“一条龙试验班”12岁女生马宇歌，写于江西省南昌市。原文截自《初一12岁宁歌2000年寒假只身赣、滇、黔之行日记》。本篇全文5300字。如需了解作者马宇歌的背景及该生其它作品，到网上去搜她的名字即可找到大量内容。网上只有她叫“马宇歌”，没有重名者。要想知道她长得什么样，去搜这个人名的“图片”就能看到马宇歌了。）
（【注】以上《上乘范文举例<披星历雪下井冈 只身夜返南昌城>》一文，截自作者王凤臣先生2008年10月发表在《作文周刊》上的《21世纪中国在校生为什么写不出像样作文》，以下是作者马宇歌的《披星历雪下井冈 只身夜返南昌城》一文英译。 ）
The article which won the top “Yuhuatai Award”（“雨花奖”） in October 2001 is as follows in full text.
Down the Hill against Wind and Snow and Back to Nanchang alone at Night
【Writer: Ma Yuge（Ma Yu-ge/马宇歌/馬宇歌）, a 12-year-old girl, seventh grader of the High School Attached to Tsinghua University（清华大学附属中学校）, class president for publicity, head of the public relations department of the school literature association, one of the hundred excellent Red Cross Adolescents in Beijing.】
（February 1st 2000, windy and snowy, in Nanchang city[南昌市], Jiangxi province[江西省], Ma Yuge） Late afternoon yesterday, after saying goodbye to the Yin sisters in Changpu village of Xiaping county in Jinggangshan city, Jiangxi province（江西省·井冈山市· 厦坪镇· 菖蒲村·山田垅）, I was about to leave the village. Then before I got on the car to go, Mr. Zeng Xianming（曾宪明）, a member of Jinggangshan’s education commission who had visited the village with me, heard a young man behind him calling his name. Turning around, he found it was an old friend Qin Hao（秦浩） from the county, the headmaster of Jinggangshan Shishikou Primary School（井冈山石市口小学）. Then Mr. Zeng introduced me to his friend: “……This is Ma Yuge（Ma Yu-ge/马宇歌/馬宇歌）, a seventh grader of the High School Attached to Tsinghua University（清华大学附属中学校）. She is only 12. She came here from Beijing all by herself……” Hearing that, Mr. Qin insisted that we should leave after having dinner there. Mr. Zeng looked at his watch and found it was already over six o’clock, and we were at the foot of the Jinggang Mountain. If we left there at that time, there must be nothing to eat when we reached the top of the mountain where the city stood because it would be very late by then. Therefore, Mr. Zeng took Mr. Qin and me to a restaurant nearby for dinner.
I should have known the downside of running into an old friend. Mr. Qin and Mr. Zeng talked a lot over the dinner. And what’s even worse was that the more they talked about the more they ate and drank. I finished my dinner and listened to them for a while but they didn’t seem to notice the time. I thought it would be rude to interrupt so I wrote something in my diary and then picked up the book “The Water Margin” which I took with me all the way from Beijing. Finally the talk came to an end. Mr. Qin paid the bill and was about to see Mr. Zeng and me off. Unfortunately it was snowing heavily outside, which meant that we had to stay. Later the snow stopped for a while. Mr. Zeng and I decided to set off in the car anyway. Just upon departure, Mr. Qin wrote down a line of words on my diary “Fulfill Your Aspirations in the New Millennium”. I thanked him and invited him to visit me in Beijing some day.
About one kilometer away from the village, the headlights of the car we took began to dim down. It’s late night. It’s dark and snowy. The road up the mountain was steep and bumpy and there was no street lamp at all. The only light we could get was from the headlights of the car, which happened to dim down because the battery was running down. We could not move on without light. Fortunately, there was a telephone booth on the roadside so Mr. Zeng called Jinggangshan education commission to send a car down to pick us.
A few minutes later, someone called back. I heard Mr. Zeng yelling to the phone: “What? The road has been blocked by heavy snow? So no cars could come down? Damn it! What the hell ……” Hanging up the phone, Mr. Zeng came back to the car and said angrily to me: “My mother-in-law lives about 100 meters from here so we can sleep over there tonight. But before that you have to join me pushing the car to somewhere smooth. If only we hadn’t had the dinner! ” Yeah, it’s perfect timing. But what happened happened; what else could we do?
Not until getting out of the car did we find that the snow on the road was as thick as 10 centimeters. Deep in night, overcast sky, cold gale, mist in the air …… The scene was quite similar to the one described in “The Water Margin” where Lin Chong（林冲） visited a temple in a windy and snowy night. At that time, I could only felt freezing cold outside. My hands were immediately frozen the moment they came out of the sleeves. The driver seemed to be calm and not worried at all. He said: “Nothing new. It often happens here.”
This morning when I woke up, it had stopped snowing. What had happened last night was like a dream which could only happen in novels. As I was recalling the experience, Mr. Zeng’s mother-in-law came into my room and asked whether I had slept well. Realizing there was no time for chinchin, I asked her about the way back to Nanchang（南昌）. I had planned to leave Nanchang tonight for Xiangtang（向塘） where I would take the train to my hometown Yuxi（玉溪） which is 80 kilometers to the south of Kunming（昆明） in Yunnan province（云南省） where I would celebrate the Lunar New Year with my parents and relatives. After that I would also like to go to Guizhou province（贵州省） on my own. But the old lady didn’t seem to get my point. She said: “Your luggage has been sent down here. And there is no bus to Nanchang today so you have to stay here until tomorrow. Don’t worry. It’s already December 26th on lunar calendar. Why not stay here and celebrate the Lunar New Year with us? ” Then she walked out of my room happily.
How could this happen to me? I was trapped somewhere between Hunan and Jiangxi, halfway up the Jinggang Mountain. I was not able to go up or down and I was welcome to stay there for the Lunar New Year. I would love to stay but that would ruin my plan. On the memo I took with me, I had written down the schedule for the trip to Jiangxi, Yunnan and Guizhou in the first winter holiday of the new millennium. I had to overcome any difficulty. I had to move on according to my plan.
“Yes, I have to descend the mountain today!” I said to myself.
After breakfast I called the father of my little friend Yaoyao（瑶瑶） in Nanchang（南昌） and told him about the situation and that he didn’t need to worry. Then I went to ask Mr. Zeng for his permission to go back to Nanchang today if my luggage was sent down. But maybe by then there would be no non-stop bus to Nanchang so I may have to change buses for several times. It may take me much more time to get back to Nanchang. Whatever! I insisted leaving Jinggang Mountain today.
Although I was in a hurry, I would not like to miss the beautiful scenery outside so I took out my camera to take some photos. It was a special scene after the snow in the mountain. Every hill was covered by white snow which contrasted sharply with the blue sky. All houses and the field were also covered with snow. Everything was in silence around there. Snow made the air refreshing and stimulating.
I was roaming around and appreciating the natural beauty of the mountain when a voice drew me back to reality. “Yuge!” （Yu-ge/宇歌）Mr. Zeng was calling. “Your luggage has arrived but due to the heavy snow there will be no bus to Jinggangshan city（井冈山市） so you have to go to Ji’an（吉安） first and then transfer the bus to Nanchang there. Now go and get your luggage.”
I had just got my luggage when a mini-bus to Ji’an passed by. We stopped the bus immediately and driver shouted to us: “Quick! Quick!” Then Mr. Zeng told me in time: “The mother of the sisters whose house you stayed made a bag of tea eggs for you in case you are hungry on the road. Good journey! Bye!” “Thank you!” I could not find other words to express my gratitude. Mr. Zeng’s mother-in-law was murmuring: “Why not stay here for the Lunar New Year ……” I didn’t know how to answer but give her a big smile. The driver was yelling “Quick” again so I grabbed my luggage and got on the bus. “Bon voyage! Little Yuge!”
“Thank you! Bye!”
Half an hour later at around 13:00, the conductor on the mini-bus said that the bus was going to turn around so we needed to transfer to another bus. I had no idea what was going on but I had to follow other people to another mini-bus. My heavy luggage almost got me out of breath. But it was kind of special to sit in a min-bus full of wind.
The second mini-bus I took was seriously overloaded with numerous passengers and their luggage. My seat was near the door with cold wind coming in from the crack of the door so I was almost frozen there. Just at that time, an old woman with an eight-year-old boy got on the bus but there was no room for them to stand at all. I was just about to give my seat to them when the old woman quickly sat on my laps. Before I figured out what was happening she put the boy on my laps, too. I couldn’t believe what I had seen but anything could happen in this world.
With an old woman and a boy sitting on my laps, my feet became numb soon and I really couldn’t take it any more. But the woman was rather old. It would be rude to ask her to stand up. Finally I moved away slowly and left the seat to the woman and the boy. She smiled to me as a way of saying “thank you” and I smiled back to her. Neither of us said anything but we understood what each other meant.
The mini-bus arrived in Ji’an at around 15:00. Ji’an is a small city but there was a crowd of people waiting at the station. I went to buy a ticket to Nanchang with my heavy luggage.
It is hard to see a long-distance bus station like that. In a big gray brick-room lay rows of long benches. Ticket windows were placed in one side of the room. People could stay there to wait for the bus. Outside the room there was a big open ground where many long-distance buses were parking. Eventually the window selling tickets to Nanchang came into my sight.
Through the window, I saw some women chatting around a wooden table so I asked: “How much is the ticket to Nanchang, please?” “Forty-five yuan one ticket.” I gave her the money and asked one more question. “When is the next bus leaving?” “In half an hour.” “Thank you.”
The sense of hunger reminded me of the tea eggs Mr. Zeng had put in my bag. Taking them out, I found that there were more than ten in total, enough for me. I swallowed two eggs but couldn’t have more.
What could I do with the rest? Taking them to Nanchang? No, because those eggs would go bad if kept in the bag for three or four more hours. Then I remembered that in primary school I used to sell the stuff I didn’t need to my friends at a low price. I also remembered what my teacher told me “This is school, not a marketplace. If you want to do this, go to a market.” Right! Looking around, I saw many people there like an old man waiting for the bus, an old woman taking care of a kid, a driver talking to passengers etc. “This is a good opportunity. How can I let it go?” I said to myself.
Then I walked to a woman with a kid in her arms. “Hi, do you want a tea egg? It’s only a half yuan each.” She looked me up and down, from head to toe and recognized my Beijing accent. Then she answered: “You are not going to make fun of me, kid. You are selling me tea eggs? No way! ”
I was a little bit disappointed but it’s OK. I moved on to a couple of migrant workers waiting for a bus. “Hi, you must be hungry. How about a tea egg? It’s cheap. ” I was trying to use local accent so that they couldn’t tell my Beijing accent. It’s interesting this time. One of them seemed to be “wealthier’ and said to me: “Give me four. You three take one each. It’s on me.” “OK, two yuan.” I was so happy to hear that. Giving them one egg each, I got two yuan from the “rich man”.
It’s true that good beginning is half success. My business was getting better and better. A while later eight eggs were sold out. A big step forward! When I was about to continue my business with the rest eggs, a girl shouted to me “Hi, sister!” I turned around and saw a little girl in shabby clothes. She suddenly kneed down in front of me. And behind her there was a small four-wheel cart in which a boy with no arms lay. The girl looked at me eagerly and held out her hands begging me. It reminded me of the little match girl, a character of Danish writer Anderson. What a cruel reality! I walked to her, kneed down and held her cold hands. She was staring at the left eggs in my bag so I gave them and all the money I got from selling eggs to her. She put the money in her pocket and began to eat the eggs and feed her disabled brother. Seeing that, I was relieved but also very sad.
Finally I got on the bus from Ji’an to Nanchang at 15:30. Farmers seldom went to Nanchang when the Lunar New Year was approaching so there were just less than 10 passengers on the bus, mostly 30-40 men except me. It’s silent all along the road. I felt a little tired but beautiful scenery attracted all my attention. Mountains were lying in white snow. It’s getting dark. Several clouds were floating up in the sky. Flocks of little ducks were jumping into ponds.……
After four hours’ journey I finally arrived in Nanchang. It’s quite late. The moon had already climbed up above trees. A few stars were shining. It’s the same shining Nanchang as it had been when I came here from Beijing. It was lit up by millions of lights. It’s like the paradise.
On the way back to Yaoyao’s（瑶瑶） home, I felt relaxed and relieved in spite of the heavy luggage. Looking back, I realized that I had experienced so much over the past three days. At the invitation of Jinggangshan education commission, I went to Jinggangshan Middle School to make a speech for the students and teachers there. I visited Changpu village and donated some books and money to the children there. I was trapped halfway in the Jinggang Mountain. I went to Ji’an to transfer the bus to Nanchang. And finally I got back to Nanchang safe and sound.
When I was standing at the doorway of Yaoyao’s house, all the people at home were surprised to see me because they couldn’t believe that I had come all the way back on my own. （Ms. Xie Fei [谢菲] got to know me from the periodic One Child [《独生子女》] the 6th and the 11th in 1999, and the magazine is hold by Education Commission of Hubei Province. She invited me to Nanchang[南昌] after reading my story. We called each other before met.） I told them about what I had experienced on the road. They believed half of my story and doubted the other half. They told me that my parents had been back to my hometown Yuxi in Yunnan. In a while Yaoyao’s mother Ms. Xie Fei（谢菲）could drive me to Xiangtang station（向塘火车站）. And the next morning I could take the train from Shanghai（上海） to Yunnan（云南）. I had to tell the good news to my parents. I hadn’t talked to them ever since I left Beijing for Nanchang. It had been more than a week. I made the call and heard the familiar voice of my parents.
“Mom and Dad, hi! It’s me, Yuge. I have returned to Nanchang and will see you soon……”
(Tuesday， February 1st, 2000, Chinese Yimao year Layue 26th, windy and snowy, Ma Yuge, 12-year-old girl in first-year junior of High School Attached to Tsinghua University which were enrolled in 1999 and class in <99·1>“through-train test ban” [ “一条龙试验班”] wrote this diary in Nanchang City, Jiangxi Province. It’s selected from the original diary of “Yuge, 12-year-old junior high school girl’s solitary journey to provinces of Jiangxi Yunnan and Guizhou, in 2000 winter holidays”. This is a 5300-word article. If you want to know more about Ma Yuge[马宇歌]and her works, you can find all the information from the Internet by searching her name “Ma Yuge”[“马宇歌”/ “馬宇歌”], her images are also included. )